O Holy Night

I've been searching for the line of Christmas. I want them to understand the true meaning. But they're little. I want them to have the magic and awe of Santa, too. I've been in a crossfire; praying Jenna has an "Ah Ha" moment of the peace and glory of Christ's birth. Yet, 3 minutes later, I'm "Jenna!! Come look at the reindeer cam!" So I spent the night still in that confusing land. We went to church, we drove around and listened to the music. I watched in my rear view; will they feel it? Will they have a moment? Then I got them to bed and spent hours becoming Santa. Is there a lonelier time for a single parent? The building, the wrapping, eating a cookie, biting a carrot. No one to share it with. No one to say,"will he love this?", "will they notice?" to. But I finished it all, and then i sat outside, waiting for the satisfaction. At least that could help a little. I built a train table, for crap's sake. But, instead of the pat on the back, I got a shove to my knees. And the words to O Holy Night filled my head and my heart and my lips. And I had a moment. And I realized I had spent so much worry on if they would have one, I didn't see that I'm the one who needed it. Thank you, God, for your son. For my Christ and my salvation. I pray you don't even need "a moment" today. That you are filled to the brim with peace and love. Merry Christmas