I have always been a reader.
When I was young, I’d spend hours reading Sweet Valley Twins and Babysitters Club.
I have read all the classics to seem “well-read”.
I now read biographies, true crime stories, Oprah’s book-club-books. I have read Love in the Time of Cholera at least 7 times and I have read Love Story at least 27 times. I read anything written by Augustan Burroughs. I read whatever bestseller is in the check-out aisle of Kroger.
I’ll read just about any book I can get my hands on. It’s such an escape for me.
Because I have spent my life reading, I have become an insanely fast reader. I can finish a good book in 3 hours. Sometimes, I’ll put the book down and walk away because I want to make it last. I’ll be doing something productive and I’ll have that flash of a bad feeling that signals “you’re forgetting something!” I race through my 15 second list ‘Leave the baby in the car? Leave the Chi plugged in? Forget to logoff my work computer?’ and then I realize, “I left my book.”
Kevin has come to hate books like a lot of wives hate Playstation. I find myself not really hiding - - but totally hiding--- books from him.
All that this boils down to is – I think in "Story". I’m constantly narrating my life. It is literally as though my life is a novel and I’m thinking in phrases for someone to read one day.
Back in high school, I was narrating such a dramatic existence that I knew I was actually going to write a novel one day. It would just be my life; barely sensationalized one bit. I never thought “no one will want to read it”…..I thought every teenager in America would want to read it.
As you can imagine, things like Blogs, Twitter, Facebook, etc. have the potential to be dangerous for me. I am kinda busy. I have 3 kids… one is a newborn and still rather dependant on me for life… a husband, a dog, a home, a demanding job.
Do I want to write a new blog entry every week? Yes. Do I want to open a Twitter account? Yes. Do I want to update my Facebook status 26 times a day? Yes. Because even though I’m busy, how fun and easy to transcribe my thoughts all day.
Kevin was out of town this weekend and I was alone with kids. And Facebook. I literally wanted to update my status every half-hour. It continued even after Kevin got home. Sunday afternoon, I realized I was about to become an Over-Facebooker! Crap. I needed to reign it back in. To ease the initial withdrawal symptoms, every time I would pick up my phone to update my status, I would go to my Notepad and write my thought there.
Now, because you’re a lucky blog reader, you get to read my secret status updates. Do you feel lucky? Or are you kinda annoyed at this point? Did you just now realize this was going to be a Jaime Post and there were not kid pics? Chin up! Halloween is this weekend. You know that will result in a kid-loving post at least 10 pictures long!
I am 100% serious that this is what WOULD have been on Facebook if I hadn’t gotten a grip:
Sunday
2:00 PM – So. Much. Laundry.
2:30 PM – I just got a Sephora Insider email announcing they have an App. Really? Stupid.
3:00 PM – I love 30 Rock so much. I know everyone thinks it’s overrated, but I giggle the entire 30 minutes. Every single week.
4:00 PM – I heart the Sephora app.
Monday
2:00 AM – It kinda bugs me when people post all week long about wanting the weekend to get here faster. Every once in awhile is one thing, but every day is another. Slow down, people. Life goes by really fast. Live in the moment.
5:00 AM – Did they really just do a news story on Drunkorexia? Why don’t you people mind your own business and not be so worried about how I intake calories?
5:15 AM – I don’t want time to go any faster at all. At all. But if Jake could start holding his own bottle, I’d have SUCH a better grip on my mornings.
5:30 AM – If I get one more lecture on losing my house key, I’m running away. Mark my words. Running away from home.
6:45 AM- Nickleback reminds me why I HATE the radio.
12:30 PM – I read a blog written by a Mormon and she was asked to defend her religion’s stance on gay marriages. She didn’t do a great job and now everyone’s attacking her. Now I want to blog about my feelings on that. But why the hell would I ever do that?
3:30 PM – Just saw a kiddo for ototoxicity monitoring that is done with her last, unsuccessful, round of chemotherapy. I will hold Jake’s bottle for him forever.
6:10 PM – My children’s school is less than 3 miles from my work yet it takes me 30 minutes to get to them at the end of the day. Thank you 242 for your AWESHUM traffic light system.
6:30 PM - Wow. The 20 mile ride home with tired, hungry, whiney, cry-ey babies is amazing. I really get to challenge the outer hair cells of my cochlea by turning the music up to a completely inappropriate level.
7:00 PM – Calliou Sucks.
8:30 PM – I dislike Jerry Jones.
10:30 PM – If you’re a true sports fan, I don’t think you want players to be injured. I am a passionate football fan, there are a lot of teams that I want to have terrible seasons, but I never rejoice at injuries. Anyone happy Romo just broke his collarbone doesn’t love Football. They love points and wins.
Tuesday
3:00 AM – Jake is up and wants to play in the living room. If I lay him back in his crib, he cries. My alarm goes off in one hour. Guess I’m up for the day.
4:30 AM – I just made sugar cookies and frosted/decorated them. Making and decorating cookies is so not my style. I need more sleep.
5:00 AM – I just Clorox-wiped an ant off my counter and he lived for a very long time on the wipe. Ants are so resilient but a clavicle can break just like that. Snap.
5:30 AM – Do you think my feet hurt because I’m not used to wearing heels? It has nothing to do with getting old, right? Just that I was very pregnant and then on maternity leave and thus in flip-flops every single day for months. Being back in heels is just an adjustment, right?
6:45 AM – I hate that I’m going to vote straight Republican when there are so many Jackasses on the ticket. (Yes – I’m talking to you, mofo.)
7:00 AM – I told Jenna that I had to put her bow in before we walked in the school and she said “Duh!”
8:45 AM – White lab coats and I have a love-hate relationship. I think they terrify children and give parents an unsubstantiated level of trust. But I will say I love them when you realize you’ve made an inappropriate outfit choice for work. Because you were icing cookies at 4 AM.
9:15 AM – I wish I had more Blog followers and I could charge for Ad space.
Guys, I’m serious. Could you imagine? Could you even fathom if I actually posted on Facebook every time I went into my notepad? I’ll be honest and say that 2 times on Sunday, 4 times yesterday, and once this morning I posted song lyrics. I just didn’t include them in this mad blog entry.
I decided around 9 that I was going to copy this all onto here.
What I have realized in doing this is that if I were writing a novel of my life now,
no one would want to read it. It’s so boring. It’s what everyone else is doing and thinking. I think I’m supposed to be happy about that. Who wants the drama of a 16 year-old's life?
Okay, fine. Me.
I will return to a healthy amount of status updating…with maybe a few too many mobile uploads….and I will try to find something to add a little more excitement and original thought into my life.
Wish me luck.
