When I started the blog, I was nervous. I love the idea of blogging. I’ve said it before and I will stand true to that emotion. It’s the perfect outlet for someone who has a lot going on in their head. I was nervous that I couldn’t do it regularly. Then, I self-imposed even more pressure than a blog allows, by deciding that I would blog a journal. That decision, believe it or not, was not wine induced. I really do want to blog it. But, see, I’m flighty. Those feelings just aren’t intense anymore. I lost interest and motivation. I’m such a strange person. I can be so anal and committed and set in doing something right. But then I can be so incredibly disinterested… it’s not right.
I love Facebook. I’m annoyed with people that shun it; I won’t ever be too cool to admit that I think it’s great. I love to post my thoughts (and my super-cute kids), obviously, but I also really love to see what everyone else is thinking/feeling/doing. I know a lot of it is my personality and I think there is a contributing factor of deciding to live on the lake. In the country. Near my parents. With the absolute Perfect backyard for Jaime. But away from a lot of people my age; certainly away from my lifelong friends. Sometimes when I post, I think I’m just writing to those lifelong friends that I should be at happy hour with.
That being said, there are days/nights that I think “I couldn’t even fathom caring about Facebook.” I’m hot and cold, I tell you. I have had more than 2 boyfriends that have lovingly (?) told me that “She’s Every Woman” by Garth Brooks, is their song to me. If you don’t know it, it’s a little diddy by Garth about a very moody (basically crazy) woman. It’s insulting to me, but I can’t really argue it rationally. I am all over the place. I’ve waited a lot of years to figure out “who I am”, but decide with this birthday that I will never really be able to explain it. I know who I am, but its 6 different people. I am not asking for psych recommendations, I just feel if you’re vested enough to read my blog…you should understand.
July is coming. July has always been my favorite month because it symbolized my birthday. Funny how it has remained my favorite month, but because it houses my husband’s birthday, my daughter’s birthday, and my baby boy’s birthday. I now have even more irrational moments than ever, come July. I have always firmly believed that if you never slow down, you never grow old. However, the faster I go, the more candles there are in my cake. I am okay with mortality. I am certainly okay with my Real life, for eternity. But I am not cool with ageing. I like pretty skin and tight tummies and, overall, I’m really vain. And don’t get me started with how my acceptance of the Lord taking me has changed since I have had all these kids that I want to raise and watch.
So I will have a little moment when I turn another year older. Then I will have a meltdown when my “babyjake” turns One. It will follow with a mortality-check when Kevin turns another year over. And it will conclude with a good, 4 minute, gut-wrenching sob that my baby girl is 3. (get ready marian kaye)
I will take it all in stride and be grateful for every single thing I cringe over. But I can guarantee that I’ll be full-force “fire and ice”.
Thank you, my friends, which want me to blog. You know me well enough to know that if you didn’t, I wouldn’t. Don’t ever stop asking me to. I apologize for having nothing more to post, but if you know me as well as you’re claiming…you know I’ll produce something. Beautiful pictures of my children, a journal of a (n extremely inappropriate for blogging) trip through Europe, or at least a recap of a crazy month.
I feel that the last 4 “unpublished” blogs will never see the light of day. SO know that Jake had a (very successful) surgery, Jenna has become a smartass that makes us (literally—not just “laugh at your kids”—literally) laugh out loud, and Landon is an insanely talented athlete.
One makes us constantly smile, one makes us nervous, and one makes us in awe. We are insanely blessed. …….especially when their mommy is all over the damn place…..
