"until you spread your wings, you have no idea how far you can fly"

About 10 years ago, I finished graduate school. I had lots of letters behind my name. my parents threw me a party at a clubhouse, then sent me on a cruise. spoiled? yes. rotten? i hope not.

but see, there is this. i went to europe.
i had just finished school. i knew the rest of my life was forever. so i asked. i begged. i had to go to europe.

and also, there's this. i had to go alone.
i didn't want my family there. i didn't want to take a friend. i needed to grow. i needed to be independent. i had to do it on my terms. God bless my parents that i ever even begged. God bless my parents that they finally said, Go.

i went to europe, alone, for about 6 weeks. i had no plans...other than "see western europe" ... a euro rail pass and a suitcase. it was, undoubtedly, one of the best experiences of my life. one of those unreal experiences that i often wonder if it really did happen. but it did. my parents and their sleepless nights will attest.

so tonight something triggered my thinking of that time. of before kevin, before kids, before this beautiful life i lead. i thought about europe and i thought, "i wrote." it came to me like a revelation, although i'm sure i've just never thought to think of it before. but i visualized a tan journal and i knew i wrote.

so tonight i found it. i haven't read it since i wrote in it. years. i found the red suitcase full of everything imaginable from that trip. tickets, napkins, matchbooks, maps...and i got the journal out. it's just so wonderful. i've never appreciated being a writer more. i wrote it all down.

i know that a lot of you read this blog to see pictures of my fabulous children. i don't blame you. they're kickass. but i want to write my europe journal so badly. you have two choices; be patient or stop reading.

i know i was young...24 years old? but i was SO young. i was a terrible writer (i don't feel i've evolved that much) but i have to stay true and write it word for word. i wrote on the right side of the journal, as you should, but i also wrote things on the left side. little bubbles that said "Remember!....." things i wasn't going to write about in my narrative but wanted to remember. they are absolutely my favorite part of the journal, although sadly, i don't really remember any of them.

so tomorrow i will start, as my journal starts, in Paris. see you there.