The other blog

...you know!...the one I use to just ramble about my life?

I have had so many little blips of fear, lately. So small, if they didn't happen in succession, I wouldn't notice them.

Last week, I started walking and doing some exercises. Jenna asked if she could do it with me. I was happy to have a partner! But as I looked at my daughter planking, I had a blip.

I feel like I make a conscious effort to not use the "F word". (Not that one. I'll work on that one, next.)
Recently, for the first time, I heard Jenna say someone was fat. It was someone I've never met and it was said as a descriptor. Not malicious. Clearly repeated. I had a blip.

This morning, as she ( so very annoyingly) was watching me get ready, she asked me why I wash my face with a special brush and put so many lotions on. And as I answered, I had a blip.

I know what I'm supposed to say, and I say it.
"We're exercising to be Strong! And take care of our bodies."
"Please don't ever say the word "fat". It could hurt someone's feelings."
"We have to take care of our skin. Protect it from sun and try to keep it safe."

But I feel like there is Such a fine line. The first news story I saw, this morning, was a study saying "Women's Beauty Peaks At 29" and I thought "what if my little girl thinks that?" And it broke my heart.
What if my little girl believes society's lies and thinks she will 'peak' at 29 years old?

I will do all I can to fight society's rules that could lead my little girl to fear, insecurity, eating disorders, etc., but she will always see me trying to look better. She will hear me say "sun protection" but she will one day know it's more "no wrinkles and I can't afford the upkeep of Botox". She'll hear me say "don't ever say Fat", but one day she'll see me write down my daily calories and know it's more "I don't want to be fat."

How do we combat? How do we figure out how to balance on the line of our own vanity/fear of aging and not building critical body images in our children?

This is the part in a blog where I should offer suggestions. Maybe even the final answer.
Or I write some cute little sum up about how parenting is hard and we all mess up and we should laugh and know we're all in the same boat.
But I don't have any of that.
This is a problem in today's world, and I hope we can work hard as parents to find an answer. Hope you'll help me.