Where does the pollen go?

Back to work.

All week I've been singing "gotta go back, back, back to school again" "woah oh, i gotta go, back to schooooool....again!" Is everyone singing along?

What? You don't immediately recognize lyrics from Grease 2? It was the High School Musical of our time! Well, you know, HSM with extremely overt sexual references. Wait, not even references. Just a lot of sex. My bff Adrienne and I had every single song from Grease 1 and 2 memorized (we even wrote the lyrics in a spiral notebook) and would sing them dramatically.

Ahhhhh, the (not at all) innocent days of our youth.

Bygones......
I'm back to work!

I got this.

Kinda.

Every morning I have at least three setbacks and I think of them as lessons. I’ve compiled my top ten “lessons” in hopes that I will become the master of getting everyone out the door looking pretty and prepared!

10. If you think you can get it done in 2 hours, give yourself 3.

It seems inevitable that there will be kinks in the system. As much as YOU’VE got your crap together, one of the kids won’t. Allowing for these kinks means you need to be up at 4 and ready by 5. Lunches packed, bags packed, bottles made, etc, all by 5:30. Kids up and dressed, loaded and out the door by 6:15. At work by 7.

9. It USED to take you 15 minutes to blow-dry your hair.

Now, secondary to how many times you turn off the dryer because you swear you heard a baby screaming, it takes you 25 minutes. 30 minutes if two of those times, you not only turned off the dryer but ran to put an ear to the door.

8. Breathe through the rage when your husband’s alarm goes off 15 minutes before he has to be out the door.

Resist that flash of urgency to throw whatever it is you’re holding at his head when he comes in to kiss you goodbye. DO try and find time in your day to think of ways husband can start helping with the morning routine without producing even more kinks.

7. Remember why you didn’t do some things the night before.

When you’re cutting up strawberries, spreading peanut butter, pouring similac…you will say “Why didn’t I make lunches, bottles, backpacks last night??” It is because you turn off in the evening. You get dinner done and kids bathed and asleep, and then you power down. You enjoy wine, your back porch, DVR’d television shows, and time with your husband. You do not want nor need to be in mommy-mode every time you are in your home. Don’t change You Time just to cut 20 minutes off an already hectic morning routine.

6. Remember that you really should do SOME things the night before.

Make sure your work clothes are cleaned, ironed and all accessories accounted for. If over a glass of wine you think, “my cute red heels would make that outfit more fun tomorrow”, you should physically locate said heels. Don’t mentally visualize them in the back of your car and be fine with that. Go find them. If you choose not to, you will have it set in your head that you are wearing them and spend a completely unacceptable amount of time looking for them in the morning when you realize they are not in the back of your car.

5. Be slightly aware of the level of gas in your car.

Jaime, just TRY and be SOMEWHAT aware.

4. Don’t grab another cup of coffee.

Remember that you can have one at 7:30 when you are starting work. And then again at 10 when you feel like you’re not going to make it. There is no need to grab one at 5 – right in the middle of your routine – like an addict. You already had one at 4. Promise you, you’re not going to fall asleep in the next 3 hours. The 5 o’ clock cup will make you jittery and result in you having to pee at the kid’s school. It's awkward.

3. If you are needing to make a sacrifice, make-up can be applied later.

Just get yourself clean and move on to the kids. However, be sure to grab ALL make-up that is to be applied once you’re at work. Failure to do so will result in 7 AM trips to Walgreens to buy drugstore lipstick that you will inevitably hate.

2. Do NOT get dressed until your kids are in the car.

I’m serious. Stay in your robe until the car is running and everyone is loaded in, then run back inside to slip into your outfit. Don’t get silly and think, “I can at least have my bra on…”. You can’t. You WILL be spit up on or snotted on or peed on. You will.

1. Stop thinking that when you get to your office, you can sit back, sigh and relax.

Honey….your day is just beginning.